The Manotaurs vs the Womandigos
by albinotanuki
Summary: Wendy and Mabel meet with the Womandigos, but when they have to war with the Manotaurs, things get complicated, especially if you have to fight your own siblings.
1. Chapter 1

It was a typical work day at the Mystery Shack. Soos was fixing an electric box while Dipper and Mabel played. Wendy remained silent with a permanent scowl on her face as she sat at the cash register. Dipper saw her and was curious why she was mad.

"Wendy, what's wrong?" asked Dipper.

"Men." said Wendy, "I just hate living in a house full of guys. The bathrooms are always a mess, everyone is punching everyone, the boys get to be hairy all they want while I have to deal with painful nicks on my legs or else I get called gross; it's stressful. Why do men always have to be such jerks?"

"I'm sorry Wendy." said Dipper, "But you know, not every guy is-"

Wendy then punched Dipper in the stomach.

"Don't you DARE say what all men are like to me!"

Wendy then stormed out the gift shop.

"What did I say?" aske Dipper in confusion.

"Dude, it's best not to get into any arguments when it comes to gender politics." said Soos, "Trust me; I've been on the Internet."

"Let me talk to her." said Mabel.

Mabel went outside, seeing Wendy sitting on the stoop. Mabel sat next to her.

"Hey Wendy. Sorry you're having boy trouble. I know what its like to have a brother who annoys you; I can't imagine what its like to have three, plus a dad who's as filled with testosterone as yours."

Wendy smiled.

"Well we girls gotta stick together then."

Suddenly, there was a rumbling in the bushes. A large creature, looking like a skeletal, humanoid female deer came approaching. Wendy and Mabel held each other, screaming.

"ENOUGH!" said the creature. "I hear you've been having man problems. I am here to help."

"Whoa." said Wendy. "So, are you, like, a wendigo or something?"

"I am a womandigo. You may call me Esther Jen. Come. I must take you over to the She Shed."

"May I come too?" asked Mabel.

"Sure. The more women the merrier."

She and Wendy started following Esther Jen into the woods.


	2. Chapter 2

Esther Jen brought the two girls to a giant shed in the woods. It was filled with many womandigos like her along with flowers, pink decorations, and scented candles.

"Welcome to the She Shed." said Esther Jen, "Here we mingle with our fellow womandigos and eat chocolate till we are prepared for battle."

Mabel looked up at the ceiling, which was made of glass.

"Wouldn't a glass ceiling potentially shatter and kill the people below it?" asked Mabel.

"It's a metaphor." said Esther Jen.

"So you mentioned battle. Who are you battling?" asked Wendy.

"The Manotaurs. They've been our sworn enemies since the Great Toilet Seat Conflict."

"Hey, my brother knew the Manotaurs." said Mabel.

"Is that so?" said Esther Jen, "I guess its no surprise considering your brother has a defective Y chromosome."

"Defective?" said Mabel, "That's rather sexist."

"Womandigos can't be sexist; it's biologically impossible." said Esther Jen.

"Well I for one am sick of men." said Wendy, "Do you have a weapons closet and an arena? I want to let out some frustration."

"Sure." said Esther Jen, "But be warned, it's that time of the month for us, so we womandigos can get quite aggressive."

"I don't care. I just wanna fight."

"Then take this with you." said Esther Jen, handing a sword over to Wendy.

Wendy got on the arena. She took on the womandigos one by one, deafeating each one. Esther Jen looked on with interest.


	3. Chapter 3

After 2 hours of being gone, Soos a Dipper went looking for Wendy and Mabel.

"Wendy! Mabel! Where are you!" shouted Dipper.

"Dudes, or Dudettes! Whatever! Come back!" shouted Soos.

Suddenly, from the bushes, a large, familiar half man, half taur creature appeared before the two.

"Chutzpar! I haven't seen you in a long time!" said Dipper.

"I know where your friend and sister are." said Chutzpar.

"You do?" asked Dipper.

"Yes. They have both been taken by the Womandigos."

"Womandigos? Like wendigos but women?"

"Yes. They have been our sworn enemy since the great Toilet Seat Conflict." said Chutzpar, "Dipper the Destructor, you have proven yourself worthy in battle during Weirdmagedon. We will help you retrieve your female comrades if you are willing to join us in battle against the Womandigos."

"Oh Dude, I don't want to get into a gender war. Even when I'm trying to be respectful to women, I get called a misogynist." said Soos.

"Would you rather prefer them to be eaten alive by the womandigos instead."

"NO!" shouted the both of them.

"Then follow me."

Reluctantly, both Dipper and Soos followed Chutzpar to the Man Cave.


	4. Chapter 4

After Wendy had defeated each womandigo in the arena, Esther Jen went up to her.

"I am very impressed with your fighting skills." said Esther Jen, "How would you like to join us in battle against the Manotaurs?"

"Would I?" asked Wendy, "I'd love to."

Mabel was unsure about this decision.

"Wendy, I know I'm not exactly a pacifist, but I don't know if we should get involved in a war we don't know much about."

"So you think men should oppress women by telling them what to do how to dress, and forbidding them from doing what they want?" asked Esther Jen.

"Of course not. I'm just thinking, have you ever tried talking to the Manotaurs?"

"Talking to a manotaur is like talking to a brick wall. Plus, they show just as much emotion as one."

"Well I'm sorry, but I think I might just sit this one out."

Ester Jen towered over Mabel, looking at her with intense eyes.

"I think you need to learn a lesson about the Gender Wars."

Ester Jen grabbed Mabel and took her away to be suited with armor.


	5. Chapter 5

The Manotaurs helped prepare Dipper and Soos for battle. They were given war paint and spears.

"Dude, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go into battle." said Soos.

"We have to get Mabel and Wendy back, Soos." said Dipper.

One of the Manotaurs sounded the horns.

"Come. To battle." said Chutzpar.

Dipper and Soos followed Chutzpar and the others to the battlefield, but when they got there, they were shocked to see Mabel and Wendy on the other side with the Womandigos.

Mabel gasped as she spotted her brother on the other side.

"Wendy, I don't wanna fight. Dipper and Soos are on the other side."

"We have no choice, Mabel. Besides, I'm sick and tired of men right now and I need to let out my aggression."

"Ready?" said Chutzpar, "CHA-"

"WAIT! I GOTTA PEE!" said one of the Womandigos.

The Manotaurs groaned.

"Wait! Maybe instead of fighting, we can talk this over with some cinnamon rolls or something." said Soos.

"Cinnamon rolls?" said Esther Jen, "You can't make up for centuries of Womandigo oppression with cinnamon rolls!"

"I'd like a cinnamon roll." said another Womandigo

"You're not helping!" said Esther Jen.

"Okay, forget it, we're starting this battle now!" said Chutzpar.

Both the Manotaurs and Womandigoes charged at one another. Swords and spears clashed.

Soos reluctantly clashed with Wendy, who was lashing out at him.

"I'm sorry! I never wanted to fight you! You're clearly a strong, brave, beautiful women!"

"DON'T CALL ME BEAUTIFUL! THAT IMPLIES THAT OUR WORTH IS SOULY ON OUR LOOKS!"

Esther Jen clashed her sword with his spear.

Dipper watched and sensed someone was behind him. He turned arnound and clashed his spear with, who turned out be, Mabel.

"MABEL?!" said Dipper.

"DIPPER?!" said Mabel.

"I'M SORRY MABEL, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU!" said Dipper.

"I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU EITHER!" said Mabel.

Mabel's sword slipped and hit Dipper's arm.

"DIPPER!"

Dipper then passed out from blood loss. Wendy and Soos stopped and ran over to help.


	6. Chapter 6

Mabel, Wendy and Soos took Dipper to the hospital. Grunkle Stan came and joined them in the waiting room.

"Gender war, huh? Yeah, I know what that's like; I lived through the 60s, you know." said Grunkle Stan.

Wendy sighed with guilt.

"I'm sorry I let my aggression get the best of me."

"And I'm sorry my words and actions can be offensive sometimes." said Soos.

"Hey, we all do it sometimes." said Grunkle Stan.

The doctor came in.

"Dipper is ready to see all of you."

They all went into Dipper's hospital room. He sat in his bed with his arm in a sling. Mabel ran and hugged her brother.

"Dipper, I'm so sorry I hurt you." she cried.

"Hey, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to." said Dipper, placing his hand on Mabel's head.

Wendy walked up to Dipper.

"Hey Dipper. Sorry I punched you in the stomach earlier."

"I understand." said Dipper, "So what happened in the battle? Who won?"

"It was a stale mate. Neither the Manotaurs or Womandigos lost."

The doctor came in with a bill and gave it to Grunkle Stan.

"WHAT?! THERE'S NO WAY I'M PAYING FOR THAT!"


End file.
